Spiritual Awakening Journey: VI - Shadow & Darkness

Tulum is magic land. It was built as one of the last Mayan cities as a gateway and port to Coba and the larger Mayan empire. It welcomed people from all across the land and seas, just as it still does today. Tulum was not originally built as a place for living, it was a place where Mayan nobility gathered to observe the stars and to summer near the Caribbean ocean. Underneath the shallow and porous limestone terrain of Tulum, lies a vast underwater river network. Water and energy is always moving below Tulum, like an unseen current. The energy that flows beneath is subtly and overwhelmingly feminine. Dark, watery, changeable, fluid. Without solid rooting and awareness, people often get swept away in the current, carried away by their illusions and false desires. Constantly moved around by the shifting currents of the water and the wind of the air. It can feel like a transitory, dynamic place where time moves differently. Situations can progress quickly or suddenly. A month in Tulum can feel like a year. Time blends together, with less definition. It can feel like a trick in time and space. A dream within a dream. Tulum is one of many energy vortexes here on Earth. A place where energy lines converge and create a powerful energetic center that magnifies energy. Historically, it was a dedicated place for Mayan elite to convene with the stars. In present times, it has become known as a place for healing. People are unconsciously drawn to Tulum from all around the world. They are drawn here to learn how to heal and reconnect. Many who stay in Tulum find they are forced to deal with their inner shadows.

When I first came to Tulum I actually found it quite challenging to connect energetically. The channel became much murkier, like radio frequencies getting jammed up. Before I would usually connect to the earth in order to ground, and then work my way up to align with the divine energies above. But here, it felt challenging to put roots into the ground. I later learned that the land is made of shallow limestone bedrock with water flowing beneath it. One day, I was meditating in the jungle, visualizing my roots growing into the earth, and I felt a pull. I felt this deep hypnotic drawing down on my roots as if it wanted to take me whole. I sensed there was something dark and sinister that lurked beneath the ground. I immediately withdrew my roots and said “NO, do not take my energy,” and I opened my eyes. The weeks after, my meditation practice would sometimes be infiltrated by dark spirits attempting to plant negative seeds in my mind. Sometimes playing tricks, masquerading as my ‘angel guides.’ I became afraid to meditate and sleep at night. This energetic fear made me afraid of being in a place like Tulum. I had started to feel the very real presence of energy vampires here. All descending upon the energy vortex of Tulum to feed on the unconscious souls that had weak energy barriers and little awareness. I also felt that there was a dark side to the energy in the land, as if it demanded payment, a sacrifice, or an exchange for its exploitation. It wanted me to give myself to this place. It’s easy to in a place like this. And if you’re allowed to stay, people will often say, ‘yes, take me.’

While I was opening up energetically, I was also opening up to feeling all frequencies of energy, within and all around. The dark side of energy was very present in my life at the time. It was testing me in many ways. It tested my resolve, my faith, my inner strength, my illusions, my desires, my commitment to truth. I swore I would be a channel for love and light, and so, I allowed the darkness to envelop me whole to see how I’d fare. Would I let fear consume me? Would I break under the pressure of feeling scared or lost? Will I find my way through the darkness, again?

This releasing into the fear of darkness, allowing it to envelop me, also marked a period of space and time where I turned inwards into the void of darkness within to begin deeper excavation. There, I discovered, felt, processed, and released much of what was hidden and stored in that void. I continued to confront many fears, illusions, programs, shadows, and all that lurked in the darkness. I also realized all of the ways I was unconsciously inviting more negativity into my self. It showed me that I was unconsciously creating a fertile ground for negative seeds to be planted, and that I needed to learn to set clearer boundaries of what is allowed and what is not allowed inside of me. I needed to start taking greater responsibility for the energy within me. Holding it as sacred within my container, and to nurture and protect it fiercely as I was continuing the work of deep cleaning. I began learning and putting in place energy protection practices around the same time I began the excavation process. As well as beginning to examine my personal boundaries and needs. It was an important lesson and exercise in creating some separation between myself, others, and my external environment. The presence of dark energy motivated me to examine my worth, my sense of self, and begin establishing boundaries—energetically, personally and inter-personally. In embracing and exploring the deep waters of darkness, I grew stronger and more aware. Like being gifted with night vision, or an internal flashlight, able to see all of the shadows lurking in the dark and working to set them free.

In this process, I learned to embrace darkness as a teacher. I learned to let the darkness pass through me and show me all the things I was afraid of. I stopped resisting it, and instead I allowed it to be present in my life. I accepted darkness and I respected it. In time I understood that darkness was the other side of light, and both were necessary teachers to guide me in my journey. Once I started easing into darkness, I began working with it to excavate deep within and unearth and feel all of the dark and heavy emotions buried deep in the abyss. I explored and journeyed to the darkest parts of my self. And just like with the dark spirits, I learned to embrace the darkness within me. I didn’t know how much was really there until I began to shine a light and explore the depths of it.