Spiritual Travel Journey: Pt. II - Potential

“Potential is realized when you believe.”

I am still in my ‘winter months’ yet I continue my explorations across Chiapas and into Guatemala. During my month and a half in Chiapas and Guatemala: I explored the indigenous towns in Chiapas by colectivo: Zinacantan, Tenejapa, San Andres Larrainzar — visiting the local markets and womens’ weaving collectives. I visited caves and went ziplining. The last week I visited the impressive Sumidero Canyon, Cascada el Chiflon and Laguna Montebello. My time in San Cristobal ended with Dias de los Muertos. Then I hopped on a colectivo and went to the small town of Ocosingo to explore the empty Mayan ruins of Tonina. The next day I hopped on a tour to the magnificent waterfalls of Agua Azul and Misol Ha. I spent three days in a jungle lodge in Palenque, exploring the Mayan ruins and hiking the jungle in rain to waterfalls of Moteipa and Sombrillas while howler monkeys roared. On the lunar eclipse and full moon of Taurus, I visited the national waterfall park of Roberto Barrios — an extensive network of waterfalls in the jungle outside of the Lacandon. The next day I hopped on a tour to the remote Mayan ruins of Bonampak and Yaxchilan—taking an hour-long boat ride to the hidden temple along the riverbank of the Usumacinta River which runs along the border between Mexico and Guatemala. I spent two nights in a remote camp buried in the Lacandon Jungle. I hiked the jungle, barefoot in mud, with a local Lacandon woman. She took me through the jungle to admire hundreds of year-old ceiba trees. The next day I began the 7-hour long journey by boat and colectivo to cross the border from Mexico into Guatemala. I rode the boat across the Usumacinta River, then hopped on a colectivo taking us through local dirt roads winding through the Guatemalan countryside. 7 hours later, I arrived in the town of Flores. The next day I met a group of young women and took a boat to jorge’s rope swing, an idyllic spot on the edge of lake peten itza where we sun bathed, swam and jumped off rope swings. The next day I made my way to Tikal where I spent four days in the jungles of Tikal National Park. From my cabin I walked to the Mayan ruins and explored at times where I had the place all to myself. I watched the sunset high above the jungle at templo del talud. On November 17th, I crossed the Guatemalan border over to Belize, and took a small prop plane to the island of Roatan in Honduras.

I now sit in my apartment at the end of west end bay in Roatan. I think about all that I had experienced in the last month and a half. Another whirlwind of adventure—exploring jungles, waterfalls, lakes, caves and remote ruins. During my time in Chiapas, I fell in love with the raw beauty of nature. This marked my return home to nature. This period was less about concerns over where home was or where I belonged, but more about reclaiming my place in nature. The death of my old self transitioned into contemplations over who I can be and who I am becomming. It marked the beginning of the dreaming phase, of potentiality.

For the last two months I felt like something was off; trying to pull back curtains but only for them to turn into wisps of smoke. I was grasping, trying to excavate something within me that I couldn’t identify. It was buried so deep down it was hard for me to access or name. What was this buried thing inside of me that wanted to come out? In a conversation, I shared some of the messages and dreams that were revealed in my meditations over the past year. I had received numerous visions and messages from divine referring to a dream of my future. They described a version of my self, of who I am or could become. While it was nice to receive, it also scared me. It was easier to talk about my dreams as if they were some distant, abstract idea. Somewhere in-between the conversation, something rose within me. An overwhelming tidal wave of fear and brutal truth. I started crying uncontrollably. A tidal wave washed over and emotions burst through. I kept repeating, “I don’t know why this is so hard for me but it just is.”

I unearthed a massive fear I never knew was buried deep inside of me. A deeply rooted cocktail of disappointment, rejection, and a burdening sense of responsibility made itself known. Guilt and sorrow. Realizing what I’ve known along — the truth about myself and realizing all the ways I violated it. I cried because I grieved all the ways I kept myself prisoner, contained and locked away in a vault for safe keeping. Drinking a daily poison of fear, denial, and self-doubt to keep myself small, hidden, and invisible. A potion that also kept me from feeling fully real.

Something churns inside of me, like the turmoil of the earth’s core, begging to be released to create something new.

Potential is an interesting thing. It can be a promise of something, but it can only be realized through effort. Even if one has the ability to have a glimpse of their potential, even with a million divine downloads, visions, and messages all confirming the same thing, it doesn’t guarantee anything unless one is able to battle their fears and cultivate self-belief and action. Acting even without acceptance, validation or reward. Doing it for your self because you believe it is what you must do.

To face and accept who you really are can be a terrifying thing. All of the stories you thought you believed about yourself. The energy, life and time you gave to it. There must be a period of grieving to come to terms with all of that. And time to get reacquainted with the Truth of you. To believe in it, accept it, and act on it. We can believe we can do better for ourselves this time. While it may not be perfect, we can keep going and we can keep trying. We can accept our potential, our dreams, and realize those promises with time. We do it to honor ourselves, nature, and to honor life itself.