Spiritual Awakening Journey: Pt. XV - Guided by Intuition

It has been three whole months since I’ve last written a word. Since December, I’ve spent 7 weeks in Nicaragua, 3 weeks in Costa Rica and Panama, and have been in the Galapagos, Ecuador for two weeks, so far.

On December 18th I said goodbye to El Zonte and hit the road on a 13-hour shuttle ride with fellow travel companions, crossing the border from El Salvador to Honduras to Nicaragua. We passed by stunning volcanoes and landscapes in the southern end of the Salvadoran countryside. Somewhere along the way, we got stuck in a 2+ hour-long road blockade in Honduras. When we finally reached the Nicaraguan border it was night-time. We spent at least an hour going through the procedures of entry. Going through Nicaraguan immigration was probably the most politically rigorous process I’ve gone through so far. Around midnight we reach the city of Leon and I check in to coco calala. Over the next few days I sandboarded down an active volcano, hiked to the top of volcanoes and peered into craters, and sang karaoke with new ‘volcano day’ friends. I spent my birthday and christmas on a private island in las isletas at isleta el espino. I checked myself into a stunning private cabana set on the edge of lake cocibolca, where I was pampered with set menus, went kayaking amongst the thousands of mini isleteas, and watched stunning sunsets from the hammock on my terrace while listening to birds and bugs buzz and chirp. I spent a week in Granada, doing day trips to volcan masaya, lago apoyo, and volcan mombacho. At masaya I stood at the edge of an open crater, watching the molten lava lake churn below. At lago apoyo, I swam in the volcanic thermal waters and kayaked. At mombacho, I hiked the cloud forest trails in mist and rain. The next day I traveled to the volcanic island of ometepe—set in the middle of lago cocibolca. I hiked volcan maderas, admiring the twin bays of ometepe from high above. I kayaked the rio istian, exploring its nooks and crannies, with views of the two volcanoes rising high above the lake. It felt like going back in time, exploring a magical world with its own world of spirits. I decided to cut my stay in ometepe short and booked accommodation in popoyo for the next day. It had been calling me and I decided to finally go. I arrive in the small, dusty surf town of popoyo and playa jiquelite. I get to solost and sink into the bed of my cabana. I am home. Somehow my five days would turn into a whole month here in popoyo. My sun-kissed days on the beach were glorious. And the sunsets were even more so. The ocean was just steps away, and at night I could hear the ocean waves from my bed as the ocean breeze passed through my open-air cabana. Oh how I loved it so. I chatted the days away with neighbors and friends, ate three regular meals a day by the pool or ocean, and enjoyed humid evenings out along the ocean under bright moon and stars. I never knew life could be this simple and enjoyable. Like El Zonte, I felt like if I didn’t leave I could be here forever. So I forced myself to leave and move on to Costa Rica and Panama.

As soon as I arrived in Costa Rica I already had a feeling of regret. I had arrived by land crossing and my first stay was in la fortuna. I negotiated an expensive taxi ride with another girl from san juan del sur to take us to la fortuna from liberia airport. We’d spend the whole car ride talking about spirituality and our lives. Once in la fortuna I said goodbye and checked into my sad airbnb room. During the four days in la fortuna it rained and poured. I would spend my time ziplining through cloud forests, horseback riding, and hiking volcan arenal in absolute pouring rain. The next day I took a shuttle to the remote pacuare river lodge, nestled in the hillside of the Costa Rican jungle, along the rio pacuare. I’d spend 2-days white water rafting the rio pacuare. I remember sleeping overnight in my open air shack set on the hill along the river. The shack had a simple bed in the middle and was surrounded by 3 screened walls so you could see the jungle and river all around. In the middle of the night I had a dream that a man / spirit was reaching deep inside as if it was pulling out the energy out of me. It felt powerfully hypnotic and I felt like it would take me whole. Until some great energetic force cut the connection and forcibly ripped away this energetic being that was suctioned onto me. It was blasted away and I woke up immeditaely to the dark misty silence of the night. Low mist and clouds rolled across the landscape all around. Holy sh*t! I pulled the thin blanket over me and prayed to peacefully sleep until the morning. The next day I was off to puerto viejo to explore the beaches along the caribbean coast. I’d explore the jungle and beach trails of cahuita national park, and visit the beaches of punta uva, chiquita, blanca and manzanillo. I did a side trip to bocas del toro, panama. Mostly swinging in a hammock and exploring beaches. Once in the dingy city of san jose, I visited volcan irazu, and then flew out to Ecuador.

Arriving in quito felt hopeful after being in san jose. Quito was chilly and dry compared to costa rica. I felt a strange sense of familiarity being here. As if in some way I was returning home. I’d visit weaving collectives in peguche in the northern part of ecuador, hike around lago cuicocha, and hike rucu pichincha. Driving through the windy roads out of quito felt demanding on the body. The altitude is at 2850m. We’d go through mountain passes and see enormous snowy volcanoes looming in the distance. Over the next two weeks, I’d explore cotopaxi and the amazon rainforest. I’d sleep in a hobbit hole at the foot of volcan pasochoa, climb cotopaxi in wind and hail, suffer from altitude sickness, rest in banos, hike the amazon rainforest and sleep in an open air lodge along the rio napo in ahuano.

Over the last 10 months, I’ve lived in 27 different places in 8 different countries. I’ve lived on the beach, in the city, in the highlands, in the jungle, on an island, on the lake, along a river, on a volcano, in the rainforest…and as I write these words, on the Galapagos Islands. So now, I contemplate as I sit in my sunny cabin in the Galapagos. My body is exhausted and is currently melting into the futon right now. While I’ve enjoyed my travels, I am tired. I question what is the ‘right’ and healthy pacing for me? I have been on the go. And when I’m not on the go, I need to rest to replenish all of the energy I exerted. In the last few months, I find myself torn between different modes of being and doing. Rest or action? Adventure or reflection? Social or hermit mode? Recognizing the automatic need to be in one mode all the time. As if rest and solitude are an inconvenience, and something to be minimized in order to maximize the most out of my days. It has become clearer and clearer how much I really need to continue to deprogram myself from the ‘always be productive and doing’ program of our society.Sometimes I still get caught up in the trap of doing, being productive, and making the “most of my time.” Sometimes I still get caught up in the pursuit of something and it blinds me. Or I want to give into social pressure or fomo. Or I force myself to be somewhere or do something because I think I should. Sometimes, I wonder after the fact, did I actually enjoy this thing because of the hype, or the expectation, or the money or effort I spent on it? Was it enjoyable because it had to be? For example, if I was completely honest with myself, I probably would have stayed in Nicaragua, and skipped the need to complete Central America by going on to Costa Rica and Panama. And if I really let up on my ambition, I probably would not have forced myself to hike to 4800m in Cotopaxi shortly after. My body suffered because of forcing myself to do something I thought I should.

Being on the go means that I have to constantly navigate the changing seas of life and my ‘sense of home.’ The only thing that has grounded me through it all has been my meditation practice and exercising my commitment to followng my intuition. There have also been plenty of times where I did NOT do something because my intuition told me so, and it has proved right. If a place doesn’t feel right, I leave. If I am tired, I stop and rest. If I don’t feel well, I relax and nourish myself. If something feels off, I listen to what my intuition is trying to tell me and follow it. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. This journey has become a great exercise in literally navigating my travel path solely by following my intution, and the need for a continuous daily grounding practice. It has forced me to learn how to cultivate a 'sense of home’ within myself.