What Does a Real Spiritual Awakening Feel Like?
I’ve written a little about my spiritual awakening process, trying to communicate it from a logical point of view…as best as I can to ‘logically’ explain something that is completely illogical. I thought I’d take a pass at explaining what the process felt like, and the various range of feelings I felt through the different phases of work.
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment the spiritual awakening process began but somehow it snuck up on me, and before I knew it I was completely consumed in it. It began with a series of profound dreams, a trigger (life ending), and an intitation (an offer and a series of tests). It was something that was presented to me, but I didn’t understand at the time what exactly was being presented to me other than being asked to walk a path of total uncertainty on my own, and to let go and destroy my old life and self. It asked me if I choose to accept it. I had to give consent and commit 100%. I contemplated this after several messages and offers in my dreams and in my meditations. Eventually, I said yes, I accept and commit 100%.
The begining felt like an epic wildfire enveloping me and my entire life, burning everything down to the ground. My weak foundations crumbled and everything was being destroyed, creating total destruction. At the time, I felt like I was going through a massive hurricane - tornado, everything swirling around, and yet somehow I was asked to stay in it. I feared I would never make it out alive. I was consumed by all the chaos that, at the time, felt like it was “happening to me.” I felt tired and weak, scared and terrifyingly alone. I wasn’t even sure I had the energy to make it through. My body was shutting down and at the time I had a multitude of health problems. And yet, I also felt that it was completely out of my hands. There was nothing I could do, other than let go and let it all burn and die. A great fire had come for me and my old life.
After the hurricane - tornado and the fire subsided, everything was left to ash. My life felt like a barren, desolate landscape. And I had to be willing to grieve it and walk away. Knowing that I could never return, there was no use of trying to salvage anything, and that it was time to move forward into the unknown. I felt that I had hit rock bottom, so much so that I was willing to participate in the process that would lead to my inevitable spiritual awakening. The guidance and messages began to intensify in my dream world, and in my meditations. Supernatural things started to happen, and it sort of freaked me out, but I was also fascinated and curious. I allowed the process to unfold and it opened up a whole new world to me, beyond what I could perceive with my eyes, or comprehend with my mind. In the beginning I was very fortunate to have been actively guided by a team of divine energies ( ‘archangels’, spirit guides, animals, nature, god) that allowed me to be cracked open, inititated, energetically activated, and taught widsom and knowledge in order to remember and re-cultivate my spiritual skills and abilities to connect, know things, and heal.
A true spiritual awakening process is an energetic activation, by divine energies and individual timing and soul purpose. People may be spiritual seekers, participate and subscribe to the spiritual industry and community, but it will not necessarily afford them a true spiritual awakening and energetic ascension. There is a difference between thinking-knowing-doing, and feeling-understanding-being. A true spiritual awakening is an experience that is completely foreign and unknown, there is no model or template for how it’s supposed to go. For the few that will undergo a true spiritual awakening process, it will oftentimes require years of self-isolation and self-examination in order to undergo the full strength of the energetic process, and to commit to the work that is asked of you to do everyday. It is a career, a commitment, a sacred calling. A spiritual awakening is not a set period of time. And it goes through waves and cycles like the changing of seasons. There are intense periods and then there are periods of integration, reflection and processing. It never ends.
For awhile, I felt very alone in my process but also because I had to be in order to properly do the work. It required me to detatch from society and the ‘way things are’ in order to ‘see.’ It was something I couldn’t talk about with others because they wouldn’t understand, and there was very little real, beneficial information out there that actually understood the process. But I had to let go of the need to ‘prepare’ anyways, because there really is no way of preparing for the unknown, that is specific to an individual. I felt like an undercover agent, a divine spirit masquerading around as a human being. Pretending to be normal and solid, when everything inside feels like an ethereal portal into the Universe.
What Did It Feel Like?
Here’s a quick breakdown of my phases and what it felt like:
Phase I - The Trigger
Deep despair
Turmoil
Fear
Uncertain
Deep sadness
Intense pain
Feeling lost
Rock bottom
*Feeling like I was going through a hurricane and wasn’t sure if I would make it through.
Phase II - The Opening
Survival
Confusion
Baffled
Curiosity
Humbling
Hope
*Like something had been cracked open.
Phase III - Divine Connection
Curiosity
Lightness
Wonder
Energizing
Enlightening
Expansive
Grateful
Warm
Nurturing
Supportive
True, so much truth
Intense Joy
Intense Happiness
Intense Love
*The purest happiness I’ve ever felt as an adult
In love with life and everyone and everything.
Phase IV - Joy Ride
Enjoying life
Having fun
Happiness
Joyful
Pleasure
Ignorant
Busyness
Exploration
Possibility
*Basically on a joy ride.
Phase V - Integration
Coming down from the high
Back to reality
Disorienting
Shocking
Challenging
Isolation
Uncertain
Confusing
Frustrating
Painful
Fear
*Having to stay put and process everything in solitude - my hermit monk months.
Phase VI - Shedding
Isolation
Reflection
Processing
Evaluating
Questioning
Releasing
Frustrating
Painful
Lost (but in a way that feels like you’re no one and it’s not necessarily a bad thing)
Enlightening
*Having to stay put and process, release and redefine everything in solitude - more hermit monk months.
Phase VII - Peace
Light
Free
Peaceful
Joyful
Calm
Tranquil
In the flow
Meditative
Reflective
Aware
In tune
Connected
*Imagining new possibilities, setting new programming, new dreams.
Phase VIII - Love
Deep connection to all beings
Deep love for all beings
Heart is full
Deep compassion
Light
Joyful
Peaceful
Radiant
In the flow
In tune
Connected
*Connecting with my body and intuition to feel what sparks joy, re-evaluating and re-prioritizing everything
Phase IX - Expansive
Open
Spacious
Free
Patient
Peaceful
Purposeful
Clarifying
Strong
Gentle
*Setting myself free and enjoying the freedom and space to be and feel all the possibilities in life.
Repeat of cycles, on and on…
Now let’s talk about the psychic and physical changes my whole human system went through.
Physical Changes
Not only is your mind altering, every cell in your body is regenerating as you release old energy and reprogram yourself. As you reprogram your mind, your cells are also reprogramming as well as rebuilding, regenerating. Everything in your being is now being aligned and reprogrammed. In this process you will see some of your internal changes manifest externally and physically.
In the first eight months, I saw physical changes and modifications to my body, including:
First, most of my chronic health conditions cleared up and went away.
My eyes got bigger and clearer.
My skin got clearer.
My vocal chords got clearer, brighter, stronger, more pronounced.
My body got stronger and more physically defined and fit.
But it also underwent several rounds of purging, sickness, breaking down and rebuilding itself again. In a short period of time, my body underwent intense and accelerated changes including:
Spiritual ascension sickness:
Yes this is a thing, it happened periodically when my body was going through intense energy releases and round of ascension. Sometimes it feels like flu-like symptoms. It’s not a cold and it’s not a flu. It felt like someone was constantly adjusting my energy and temperature levels. Some symptoms of ‘spiritual ascension sickness’, included:
Intense hot flashes AND intense cold chills and body shivers - alternating and rapidly fluctuating body temperatures
Constant sweating
Intense head throbbing and headaches
Fogginess
Whole body ache - particularly in the neck, spine and legs, muscles and joints
Low energy and weakness
I felt like a blob
Falling asleep and needing naps during the day. DEEP sleep, like I was powered down, went offline.
Needing to drink way more water.
Slight runny nose first day
Slight sore throat second day
Gone by the third or fourth day
Usually it snuck up on me and happened overnight, would feel fine in the morning, and later in the day it hit me and I feel like a blob for the next two to three days. It was most intense the first and second days. If I didn’t allow myself total rest, sleep and nutrition the sickness would get worse and be prolonged. My powers of manifestation were also icnreasing so it was important to believe that it will pass so it didn’t develop into something more severe. It felt very similar to post diving sickness. I experienced the same ‘ascension flu’ at least three times during a 5-month period, as well as several purging rounds throughout the full spiritual awakening process.
Several rounds of intense purges:
similar to a norovirus / stomach virus
multiple periods in a month - uterus purging
skin shedding
hair shedding
regular nausea and vomitting
Other regular symptoms:
Top and top back of brain and head (crown chakra area) was throbbing, like an intense pulsing and tightness in my head on a regular basis (this is the parietal cortex expanding, more energy trying to move through).
Prone to accidents during this period if I moved too quickly.
Prone to psychic attacks and energy cording (the difference was that at the time I was becoming more aware of how my energy interacted with others and spirits) but I wasn’t yet strong enough and developed to wield energy, protect, set up boundaries, etc.
Psychic Changes
I gained increased receptivity and awareness (like the sharpening of an attenae), expanded levels of consciousness, and connection and communication with the ‘divine/spiritual realm’ (whatever you want to call it), such as:
I am able to connect with, identify, and communicate with angel and spirit guides.
I can sense spirits.
I can psychically connect with animals.
I feel more connected to the network of the natural world, and can feel the different frequencies of energy.
I can read and feel the various energies in a room.
I feel energy moving all around me and through me.
I notice subtle shifts in energy in myself and in other people.
I can psychically influence some outcomes if I really desire it.
I receive cosmic downloads of information, wisdom, knowings about things. I just know profound things that I receive via energetic transmissions (?). Not sure exactly how it works.
Many times I just know things. I receive a message and somehow it is always true.
My senses are sharpened and on high gear (sounds, smells, sights, intuition, etc).
In general, a spiritual awakening is mind-blowing, mind-altering, and life changing. I learned to see the world, myself and others from a different, higher perspectives, like seeing the bigger cosmic picture. It is a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges. I never know what to expect and it is full of surprises, incredible insights and wisdom. The process can also be pretty funny as well, with the many synchronicities, outrageous coincidences and moments, epiphanies, and the dry sense of humor of my angel guides. It always keeps me laughing at and with life. I have learned that magic really does exist, and I am in awe.