Understand Your Programming
Most of us don’t even consider who we really are beneath the identity that we create for ourselves according to the acceptable standards of society.
In this world we are all programmed by the intentions of our collective society. Do you ever wonder why things are the way they are? Or why we all behave in similar patterns? Or why we have similar fears or desires?
For the prevailing culture or ‘way of doing things’ to be maintained, it requires everyone to be similarly socially programmed and for everyone to be complicit in following that programming. Our society is entirely engineered to ensure that everyone behaves in the way we are supposed to. In ways that most people aren’t even conscious of. We pass down programming to streamline the domestication of children and young adults. In this world we domesticate our children so they understand the societal rules of control, restriction and obedience from an early age. We believe that in this domestication, it will keep them safe and they will grow into productive and consuming citizens of the world.
From the moment we are born, the programming begins. The programming is unconsciously carried out by parents and caregivers, and is reinforced by family, friends, neighborhoods, communities, schools, churches, institutions, workplaces, stores, news, television, movies, music, culture, etc. Every aspect of our lives has been carefully crafted to ensure the same messaging of control and consumption. Believing that doing and being productive will achieve us meaning and love in life.
We remain complicit out of fear of being different and not belonging. That is the underlying fear behind peer pressure and herd mentality. And our tribal human nature is exploited for mass control. To be used to control what we use our energy towards, what we dedicate our lives to, and how much of that energy is to be used. We are unconsciously programmed to have the same desires, behave a certain way, think a certain way, and express ourselves a certain way. We follow the prescribed path laid out for us. Women have a prescribed path. And men have a prescribed path. To reject or stray from the path is to be seen as an outsider. People go along everyday doing things they hate and yet they feel they have no other choice. It is an atrocity for people to be so controlled by fear to live most of their lives in quiet misery thinking that it is the way of life. It’s madness.
As children we are born free, wild and natural. We are so open, soft, and we love unconditionally. We just experience a world full of pure love and we are a part of that world. We play with the world with joy and wonder. We are just naturally ourselves and we don’t even question if it is correct. There is no such thing as right and wrong, only what feels good and bad. Children follow joy, it is the only thing that matters.
And because they are closer to the flow of life and love, they are more in touch with their intuition and emotions. They might lack the vocabulary and words to describe them but they are deeply sensing and feeling. Babies and children smile and they light up the world. Their joy is so effortless and natural. And when they cry it’s because their soft, open souls are feeling in a society that is hard and controlling. Children know freedom and love and when that is withheld they cry out in pain.
With socialization and programming, children learn to close off, harden, and repress their emotions. Most do not learn proper emotional regulation as most adults never learned the skills, and therefor they are not passed down. Children are incredibly aware of everything and will pick up all of the unconscious patterns and ways of doing things from adults. They use other people as their templates for forming beliefs and behaviors to operate in society. Most children will willingly play by the rules because they just want to be loved.
Children will pick up that there are ‘correct’ ways of being and ‘incorrect’ ways of being. And if you behave you are ‘good’ and if you don’t you are ‘bad’. It ingrains a sense of doubt within the self that begins to chip away at a person’s self-worth and self-esteem. It is how individuality and uniqueness begins to fall away as they grow up. All children in some way learn that they are not perfect just as they are. And with time, unconsciously they modify themselves and take on false layers to make themselves more appropriate or less appropriate depending on how they respond to the situation.
We grow up believing that we are a part of our parents because of the nature children are raised in society through extreme attachment, so we believe that what is theirs is ours. We learn and inherit the same fears, beliefs, patterns and behaviors from our parents and grandparents. It is the reason why so many family patterns and cycles continue through the generations. And we either learn to embody and take on those burdens, or we try to reject and run away from them.
But a child is not an extension of their parents. They are their own unique souls that have a right to be and express themselves in the way they naturally need to. Fearing for their safety or their place in the world only projects fear and worry on to them, and will make them afraid of showing their true self because they will learn that it is not safe to be who they are. Projecting personal fears on a child only ensures that they take on the same fears in life, and will continue the chains of the cycle. It clouds their true nature to be and express themselves just as they are.
We all live in a fear-based society. Fear is what keeps us unconscious, controlled and restricted. It is what prevents us from feeling free and feeling unconditional, true love. It is a vicious cycle that is hard to break because it is reinforced so powerfully and consistently in society and within every person. Begin to notice how fear is planted and reinforced everywhere. Notice where you work, what you read or watch, or even why you do the things you do. There are so many unconscious behaviors and desires created to cope with fear. We believe that we must be in control all the time, be responsible, play the perfect role as spouse/colleague/parent/friend/member of society, and maintain the perfect image and lifestyle. There are so many superficial worries and anxieties that people carry everyday. We must be attractive, we must be likable, we must behave, we must be productive, we must achieve, we must succeed, we must make money, we must have a good job, we must have a nice house, we must be married and have children, we must present ourselves in the best way possible…like trained animals responding to validation. This is the energy of chasing, needing, wanting, trying. It’s f*cking exhausting. Why is it that people generally believe these are the most important things in life?
Ultimately every person just wants to feel love and joy. But the way we are socially programmed are counter-productive to those ways of being. The programming of conditional love is what we learn. We learn control in an attempt to keep ourselves safe. But what our souls know to be truer and greater is unconditional love. It is why all people in the world have pain and suffering to some degree. We yearn for what we feel we deserve—unconditional love—but what we receive is conditional love. When you know deep down something so powerful, so true, and so loving…it’s hard not to be hurt when you don’t receive it.
Going through this spiritual awakening process has allowed me to shift my energy and perspective to realize a lot of this programming. It only began to emerge from the unconscious to the conscious when I had clear, clean space within. I sat in this white space for a long time. It was like being able to scroll through my programming code and evaluate what was a virus and what no longer served me. I could see it without emotion and attachment, and instead see it for what it is. Part of the process involved digging deeper to understand what was the root cause of the programming — was there something there that needed further evaluation, processing or feeling? Was I holding on to it out of fear? I needed to understand why I do the things I do and why I behave the way I do. What is mine and what is passed down? What serves me and what doesn’t?
Below is an abbreviated list of some of the programming I uncovered:
I must always be perfect and capable.
I must always be good, behave, and be responsible to others.
Other people’s needs take priority before my own.
I am selfish or greedy if I assert myself.
I must remain quiet and obedient.
I must always be productive and achieve.
I must make money. Money is stability and safety.
I must always do. Action is progression.
I must be strong, stoic. Emotions are a waste of time.
I must be independent and rely only on myself.
Love is quiet, hidden, lost. It will lead to disappointment.
Time is running out, efficiency is the solution.
People spend their whole lives operating off the same programming, perhaps only to realize that it didn’t serve them in the end. What we must all understand is that we all run off of programming. Some created by society, some passed down from parents, some created by ourselves in response to experiences. Ask yourself, how many of your decisions do you truly make for yourself? Are you doing things because you want to be accepted and loved, or are you doing things because you love and accept yourself?
What we must also understand is that programming can be changed and altered. We have the choice and the ability to do this anytime. Oftentimes it is our fears that prevent us from doing so. But step by step, we can face and work through our fears by making small choices to do things differently. Understanding the reasons behind our programming is a more sustainable way of making different choices, instead of forcing ourselves to change quickly. From there, we can alter our thought processes, our beliefs, our behaviors, our actions to create new programming after we understand what it is we truly want. It is our programming that determines our reality and the kind of life we live.
Know that ultimately you have the power and the right to set your own programming. You can create your own values, beliefs and rules to live by. Rules that don’t contain or restrict, instead set new rules that set you free.