Grow Through Patience, Not Productivity
Burn out is a common condition, with more than 3/4 of the workforce responding to these symptoms. I burned out by the time I was 33 years old. But to be honest it probably began years before. I remember the years when every minute was accounted for, with back-to-back meetings and work. My schedule was crammed everyday. I had no periods of rest, and zero free time. Oftentimes I forgot to eat lunch. At the end of a long day, I would eat dinner and pass out in bed. My weekends were spent on errands and activities. By the time Monday rolled around I was still exhausted and the cycle would repeat again. I felt like I could never catch up and have enough energy. Time ‘relaxing’ was spent on watching netflix or doing activities that actually expended more energy. Back then I never meditated, never rested, never really relaxed. I never gave myself permission to do absolutely nothing.
I spent the first three decades of my life training for and running a race I never consciously intended to run. It wasn’t until I was physically, emotionally and spiritually broken down that I realized it was serious and everything needed to change. When I actually took a moment to see what horrible shape I was in and accept the reality, I began to question how I was actually applying my energy and time. For me, I began to question what kind of B.S. race I was participating in and do I want to be playing this game? I had to take myself out of the race to care for myself, and figure out what kind of game DO I want to play and what do I want from it?
We are raised in a society that programs us to always be productive, efficient, fast, and in constant pursuit of progress through action. We are trained to believe that only progress can be made through constant activity and doing.
Most peoples’ lives have become so busy and the pace of our lives so fast that we operate in a constant state of action and distraction. Running on auto-pilot, moving through the routines and demands of everyday expectations. It is no surprise that many people experience mental chaos and desensitization of the body. Only becoming more numb and noisy with the constant feed of content and social media. The delineation between the information, emotions and thoughts of the self, and the external, has completely blurred to the point where most people struggle to understand which feelings and emotions are theirs and which are not. And because of this overload, stress, anxiety and worry have become common everyday feelings for a majority of people in the world. Feelings are usually pushed down and repressed to continue performing and ‘moving forward.’ In the process of somatization, these feelings only accumulate and manifest itself as chronic pain, illness and disease in the body.
With more busy-ness and a faster pace of life, people naturally expect more to happen in shorter periods of time. And we place those expectations on ourselves. Stacking those expectations heavier and heavier, weighing on our shoulders. We expect more from ourselves so we become harder on ourselves and others. And therefor, we become less patient with ourselves and push ourselves to make progress happen constantly.
The goal of capitalism is to experience constant growth. People have internalized the values of capitalism and they squeeze themselves for all they’ve got, pushing themselves harder and harder to achieve and do more. And we celebrate this and call it growth and ambition. This is seen in the rushing, the forcing, the controlling of certain desired outcomes. The pushing of the self to just get there, figure it out quickly, and achieve. Resulting in resistance to change, to stop or slow down. And even to properly replenish and nourish ourselves. People become scared to stop or pause out of fear of missing out. Scared to change things when they’re not working. Scared of the thought of having to ‘start over’—believing that they’ll loose out on all that they’ve built or the progress they’ve made. It is the internalized values and fears of our society that limit individuals from living the lives they want to live.
The desire to grow is a good thing. Growth is what we are here to experience. But it is the perception of growth that needs to be redefined. People are conditioned to perceive growth through a capitalistic lens. We believe growth should be fixed, constant and linear. So in order to grow, it must be a continuation of what already exists. Ideally manufactured through consistent action and manipulation, and done quickly over time for maximum efficiency. But we can challenge that perspective, and choose to understand growth through an evolved lens. People like to see things as black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. But people, nature and life does not exist in black and white categories, it exists in the colored space in between. Growth can be seen as something that is less definable and more unpredictable. Growth is not directional and it is not logical. Growth cannot happen without letting go of what’s old, outgrown or dead.
Look to nature and consider growth in the most basic example: the growth of leaves and blooms on trees. A tree goes through the four seasons and their own cycle of seasons or patterns. Some are evergreen but will never have blooms or unique leaves, some shed its foliage every winter, and some only bloom certain years. But there are no trees in existence that have the most unique, extravagant blooms at all times throughout all years. What it comes down to is the application of energy. A majority of trees are cyclical and will go through the corresponding cycles of fall/retreat, winter/death, spring/emergence, summer/peak growth. Summer and peak growth must eventually cycle into retreat and death. The same is expected of humans as we are ultimately natural forms as well. This is growth. Yes, it is building upon what exists, but it doesn’t try to hold on to what exists. Trees do not cling to their dead, old, desiccated leaves and blooms. They let it fall away and the branches eventually turn bare. They let go of what has already grown, to make way for what will grow in the new cycle. This is the cycle of change, change is growth.
For humans, the fall season is in letting go of what has already happened, what they already had, what once was, and what could have been but wasn’t. Fall asks humans to make peace with the past to clear space. Winter season for humans is in sitting in that empty space, doing nothing, resting, relaxing, and nourishing. The behavior or quality that humans need to cultivate is patience. Because humans are so overly conditioned to be impatient, active and productive, it prevents them from embracing the seasons of fall and winter, which ultimately prevents them from growing.
It’s the perspective of growth that needs to change. Growth happens through all changes in a cycle of a season. This means, growth is not just in spring and summer, but also in fall and winter. Growth is all seasons. Fall and winter is a necessary and equal half of the process in order for spring and summer to happen.
You can try to force spring and summer to happen, as most people and businesses do, but the outcomes will be anemic, and actually inefficient in the end. Holding on to dead growth requires energy — energy that should be going towards recharging, nourishing, and preparing for new growth. But because our society and its people have a severe problem with letting go of the past, a majority of energy goes towards clinging to dead growth and trying to resuscitate it. Enormous resources and energy are put towards masking, covering up, putting on band-aids, and coming up with half-baked ‘strategies’ to make something work or something old appear new again. People and businesses then put enormous energy towards manipulating the perceived outcomes and framing them as something they are not. The outcomes are usually made to be better than they actually are, as if miracles have been created to transform something or someone with enormous growth and gains. Thus, delusions and illusions are created and the cycle repeats. Until, at some point down the line, everything spontaneously combusts and things begin to fall apart. The half-assed structure with rotting wood, shoddy workmanship and glue crumbles and everyone wonders why it didn’t last.
When we are forcing, controlling, clinging to a certain situation, mindset or desired outcome…a person is in a fixed state of focus. They are oblivious and closed off to all of the other options that exist out there because they are so honed in on this one particular thing they are grasping at. This clinging keeps a person locked in so that they cannot freely move. It’s like time and the Universe is flowing through but you’re clinging to a lamp post declaring it your home. The Universe wants you to let go of it but you cry out and hold on even tighter. The Universe tells you that that is not your home, your real home is waiting for you. But you don’t believe it so you keep holding on. Time and the Universe moves by and you are still clinging to the lamp post trying to climb higher and higher in the name of progress.
We will always attract the things that are truly meant for us. Some of them will come and go at different lengths and moments of time. Nothing is meant to be fixed forever. But if we still cling to the lamp post and our fixed expectations, we will never open ourselves up to experience all of the other things that are meant for us in life. Having patience, trust and faith can be seen as a big ask when all we are programmed to know is control. But holding patience, trust and faith is not really a big ask. It’s just a process of releasing ourselves from the grip of fear. And once you free yourself from fear, all the worry about ‘time running out’ and feelings of urgency fall away. Because growth is not linear. And growth does not happen through clinging and controlling. Growth can happen in surrender. The feeling of missing out is only a feeling when you’re still holding on to the lamp post…because you literally are missing out on life. But when you let go of the lamp post and of your fear to do so, you will be in the flow of life and you won’t be missing out on anything.
Change can happen in many different forms. Change does not necessarily come through action or doing. Change can also come in simply being, or resting, or relaxing. It can come anytime and in any space between perceived states of action and inaction. And sometimes true change can come when you’re not actually in control.
Grow into and cultivate patience by letting go of your proverbial lamp post. Perhaps this is letting go of your idea of where you think you should be at this point in your life. If you let go, you’ll be better able to widen your perspective. Sometimes patience is sitting in space, giving yourself a break to retreat and rest, taking time to connect and reflect, holding out for the right timing and the right opportunity for you, or knowing you don’t necessarily have to rush or pressure yourself when it is time to act. Practicing patience opens you up to possibilities and gives you clarity of intention, so when it is time, you know exactly what you want and you go for it. If you’re in a constant state of action and productivity, you’ll miss it all. While you may not be able to see what is coming, have trust and have faith that everything that is meant for you will find its way to you. Remind yourself that time is not running out. You operate on your own pace and travel your own journey. So with every passing day, show yourself more patience, gentleness and kindness. And know that the beautiful and true things in life take time.