Control

We all have ideas of what we think we need to do or should do.

During this time of travel, I’ve done a lot of things and I’ve visited a lot of places. It’s almost like a badge of approval I gave myself to tell myself that I made the most out of my time by doing all the things I wanted to do. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of doing things because the idea of it seems appealing or it can be in the name of a challenge.

It’s been interesting to see some patterns emerge throughout my travels. Some of the experiences and places I loved most happened when the Universe was directing me towards them even though I didn’t intend or want to go. And some of the more unpleasant or disappointing experiences were when I forced them to happen. I could see it in the planning and logistics when I’d line up the next place. If it was a place that the Universe knew I would not enjoy or I’m not meant to visit, it would make the logistics complicated and challenging to work with. But because I had it in my mind that I must go, I’d find a way to work around it and make it happen regardless. If it was a place that the Universe knew I would enjoy and I was meant to visit, the logistics would be incredibly easy, flexible and affordable. And it would sometimes create obstacles for all other options so I would choose this particular route.

Looking back, here are some examples:

  • When I’m meant to visit, all logistics would be super easy, quick and affordable to book. When I’m meant to skip it, all logistics would be super challenging or unavailable. When I’m meant to move on, there would be no availability for the place I’m staying in. And when I’m being invited to stay, there would be 100% flexibility and availability to continue extending my stay.

  • I was fixed on going to the Lacandon Jungle and from there crossing over to the Guatemalan border and then to Belize. At the time I had also been invited to go to Oaxaca and on to Guatemala (west side), but I was set on going east because logically that made more sense to me. I was also set on going rafting in the Lacandon but no matter how hard I tried there just wasn’t availability for me. I forced it anyways, managed to find another lodge, and when I arrived it ended up pouring rain all days. I later learned that there was indeed a rafting tour on the days I was there but for some reason the Universe just did not want me to do it. It was a painful 7-hr+ long ride across to Flores. I skipped right through Belize and went on to Honduras.

  • In Honduras, it was challenging to line up accommodation for the days I wanted to go. I worked around it anyways and made it happen, even though I had to change accommodation 3 times. I was also fixed on going scuba diving even though my instincts and body told me before not to. I forced it and did it anyways. I ended up having issues with my sinuses and not being able to equalize my ears properly. I went out on a dive trip not being able to dive.

  • From there I wasted so much time trying to navigate numerous options and routes to avoid going through El Salvador and flying directly to Nicaragua. But no matter what, all reasonable options pointed to flying to El Salvador. So finally I booked the flight and easily found accommodation in El Zonte for 5 days. They were willing to offer a discounted rate and flexible days. I didn’t have to pay in advance, I’d just show up. What was supposed to be 5-days turned into 3 weeks. I loved it there.

  • When I felt like it was time to move on to Nicaragua, same deal, I wasted so much time trying to avoid the long border crossing between El Salvador to Leon, Nicaragua. I just wanted to skip Leon, fly directly to Managua and go to Granada. But no matter what, there just were no affordable flights and no other options. So I booked the long shuttle ride to Leon, and quickly found an affordable and flexible accommodation. It was all so easy. I met some great people, and ended up loving my time there with all the volcano hikes and sand boarding.

  • Accommodation dates proved to to be challenging and unavailable for Granada and Ometepe, but again I forced it anyways and worked around it. I didn’t end up enjoying either place. Finally I got the hint in Ometepe when I had a challenging host and decided to leave early and go to Popoyo, which was always in the back of my mind the whole time. I found the perfect accommodation—beautiful, on the ocean, affordable—I booked it. Done. From the moment I stepped foot in Popoyo I knew it felt right. I was able to continue extending my stay no problem. What was supposed to be a week turned into one month.

  • After one month in Popoyo I thought I should be moving on to Costa Rica, even thought I felt like staying. I thought I should visit every country in Central America so that meant having to go to Panama as well. Even though I felt like I did not want to go to Costa Rica and Panama…I forced myself to go anyways. The accommodation, the transportation, the logistics required so much time, so much maneuvering, so much coordination. It was work to figure out how to make it all happen. And by the time I got to Costa Rica I immediately felt regret. It poured rain everyday in La Fortuna. And I did not enjoy my time so much in Puerto Viejo and Bocas del Toro. It felt like I already knew all this but I did it anyways because of what I thought I should be doing.

  • After Costa Rica and Panama, I was exhausted and felt drained. I flew from San Jose, CR to Quito, Ecuador. I had already pre-booked my trips in Cotopaxi, the Amazon and the Galapagos. Booking accommodation for Cotopaxi and the Amazon was challenging due to availability. But I made it happen. And honestly if I was to follow my intuition I probably would have skipped both. But I had it in my mind that I must do both. I forced myself to do the Cotopaxi hike even though my intuition told me beforehand not to. I ignored it and did it anyways. I ended up getting serious altitude sickness in which I had to be in bed rest during my time in Banos. Galapagos felt right and I was there for 2-3 weeks but spent much of the time recovering.

  • I forced Patagonia to happen even though it was not so easy and the whole process leading up to it with the travel agency was a nightmare. I got the last spot at the end of the season. It ended up pouring rain everyday we hiked.

Would I take back all of these experiences? No way, even if I could. The point is is that I had so many signals guiding me throughout the journey, pointing me in the direction of where I needed to go. If only I just let go of control and stopped forcing certain outcomes or making things happen because of what I thought I should be doing or where I thought I should be going. I would save so much energy and so much time. I would have relieved myself from all the anxiety and the forcing and the tired eyes staring at the computer screen trying to make it all work. And I would have had more time to be present in the places I actually was in in the moment.

Ultimately most of what I thought I wanted to do I didn’t enjoy so much, and most of what I thought I didn’t want to do I enjoyed a whole lot. Who knows. Just goes to show that sometimes what we think we need or want doesn’t always line up with what we actually enjoy. I’ve learned my lesson: let go of control! Feel through my decisions instead. Be open to other possibilities and just go with the flow. There’s no use in wasting energy and time trying to force or make something happen just because we think it should. We don’t know everything so maybe we can just be open instead?

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Lessons & Reflections on 1 Year of Travel

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