Spiritual Awakening Journey: V - Change

A month later from my trip to the Oaxacan coast, I was called back to Mexico. Tulum drew me in from across the ocean. I felt possessed and booked a flight, I had no reason to go and had very little interest in going. But without logic, I did it anyways and followed my heart back to Mexico.

I remember the moment I stepped foot into my apartment. Bright floor-to-ceiling windows, tons of natural sunlight, calm earthy tones, clean and bright. The bedroom overlooked the jungle, filled with sounds of birds and sights of butterflies. I immediately felt at home and proceeded to unpack all of my belongings stuffed into a carry-on suitcase. A sign that I was here to stay. I had always secretly imagined myself living somewhere tropical. Year-round sunshine, humidity, palm trees, the ocean, the wind in my hair. The humidity filling my body, and with it, life and energy revitalizing my being. Restoring it to its plump, full self. And with each passing day, I felt more and more like this was my life. It was no longer a momentary dream, it became a new reality.

I quickly took advantage of my new environment and home. The first few weeks were a bit of a blur. I packed my mornings and afternoons with work calls, and at the end of the day I ventured out to the beach and the many activities and classes. I was exercising my inner desire to be free. I loved riding my motorbike; driving fast, listening to music, with the wind in my hair. When I drove I felt electrified. Like my body was collecting energy; the hairs on my arms upright and static-y. Afterwards I felt like a ball of energy, flying through the wind, untouchable. I enjoyed spontaneous adventures with new friends, jumped into cenotes, went on motorcycle rides in the moonlight, and partied on weeknights. But by the third week, all of the busyness and recklessness caught up with me. I was early on in my development and ignored many of the signs. Reminding me to slow down and tend to what I really came here to focus on.

Unfortunately I did not heed the call to stop and I was instead forced to by way of a motorbike accident. Driving back from the beach, driving fast, with music on, on my way to somewhere else, I forgot about the massive unmarked speed bump on the road. Too late, I hit the breaks and the bike slid out from under me. In that moment, everything slowed down, and then I was on the side of the road bleeding with the skin scraped off my legs and arms. A taxi driver came over, another man on a bike came by, cars stopped. All left shortly after, except for a young couple on a motorbike. The young man came over and asked if I needed help. I paused for a moment to register what was happening, and said yes, please take me to the hospital. Riding on the back of his motorbike, with my bleeding legs dangling to one side, I held their tiny kitten, Luna, in my lap. Only one week old, she was a rescue, and was getting a little squirmish. I held this tiny kitten and felt all was well. Somehow, despite being in pain and shock, I felt completely safe and at peace with it all. I smiled as the sun shined on me and I looked into Luna’s little eyes. The hospital was a community clinic, bare bones, and the nurses spoke to me in Spanish as they scoured my wounds. The couple waited for me at the hospital, helped translate with the nurses, took me to the pharmacy, and returned me to my home. The young man, Daniel, had said that when he saw me on the side of the road, a thought had popped in his mind, what if this had happened to his girlfriend. In that moment he knew he had to help. The couple and little Luna were my guardian angels for the night. Profoundly touched by their kindness and generous spirit, something grew inside of me.

Homebound, forced to tend to my literal wounds. And a few days after, I spontaneously quit my career to focus on my healing. While I was afraid, I felt immediately lighter and freer after the words left my mouth. Deep down, I knew this was the natural progression of things, and it had to be done. I could no longer try to hold on to an old self and an old way of life, while also undergoing complete obliteration and spiritual transformation. I had to make a change to commit to the next phase. This intiation would unlock a another level of my spiritual awakening, signaling a further commitment to the ongoing destruction and release of an old identity and way of being. So much of my identity was tied up in career, title, money, a certain lifestyle and program. Who would I be without a career? I would soon embark on a journey to find out. I was forced to sit in space and stillness, returning to the spiritual work I had begun.