Spiritual Awakening Journey: Pt. III - Divine Connection
Everything changed after one ordinary morning. Continuing my regular meditation practice, I sat in my usual spot facing the window. It was dark and grey outside. The cold from the winter’s air pressed against the window panes of my bedroom. Still relatively a novice in my meditation practice, I had reached a point where I was able to clear away a lot of the mental noise and chaos in the surface of my mind. Then, I started listening to high frequency ‘heart chakra’ music on my noise cancelling headphones. Every meditation would leave me with less noise, more space, and feelings of calm and peace. But this morning was different. I was deep in my meditation, drifting along, almost reaching some sort of trance. As I sat there, all of a sudden I felt this enormous, intense bright light suddenly emerge from high above and then magnifying all around me and through me. It felt like as if someone had turned on the flood lights as my eyes were closed. Suddenly my body was captivated and held upward by some great energetic force. My head and heart pulled slightly upwards. I couldn’t move my body even as I tried. A great voice began to speak to me, telling me messages. It tells me that I must walk a new path alone. It tells me that I must let go and make peace with the past. It tells me that my father lived a short period of time because he was tired and suffering, but the lesson of his life was to teach me and my brother to live beyond work. When he passed away, there was an unspoken agreement that the baton would pass to my ex-husband, and it would teach me about love. Almost a decade later, the lesson was activated and I would now need to walk the path alone so I can learn to love myself and follow my higher purpose. It kept telling me it was time to walk an unknown path alone. As I received this message I felt myself uncontrollably trembling and crying. I cried the most I’ve ever cried in my life. Crying because it was the truest thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life. The power of that truth was painful and it burst my heart wide open. I did not have control over my body, I could not stop the crying and I could not move my body. I felt suspended and just had to let it all flow through me. Then, the great energetic force and light disappeared, and all of the light in the room felt as if it was sucked out. The room felt dark and cold again. All was quiet and still again. I stayed there in that moment with my eyes still closed, feeling at peace but also in shock. And when I opened my eyes, I noticed a pool of water in my lap. My mind could not make sense of what just happened. There was no logical explanation. But what I felt was completely physically and emotionally real, with all of my senses alive. It was the most visceral experience I’ve ever had in my life.
This message came to me two days after the anniversary of my father’s passing, and coincidentally, the very same day me and my ex decided to divorce. I shared this with my mother days later, afraid of how she might respond. But when I told her she started to tear up. She told me that when she visited my father’s grave on his anniversary she actually had asked him to send me a message and to send help. Which is very unusual because my mother is not religious or spiritual. But indeed a message was sent.
February comes around and late one night I stumble across a divination and family constellation retreat in Mazunte. I honestly don’t know how I found it or what I was even searching for. But I send a message that evening and a few days later I book the trip. It felt like it was something I needed to do. In a way it was serendipitous because I knew that I was meant to return to the Oaxacan coast. Not knowing what to expect, I opened myself up to further exploring the metaphysical realm in one of the most raw and wild coastlines in Mexico. It called to me.
Mazunte is a magical haven in Costa Chica, full of raw energy and powerful lessons from the ocean. It is a beautiful place to connect with nature, wildlife, your self and others. The town itself is small and is a hippy enclave set on the edge of the ocean. But the real draw is experiencing its wild nature and ecosystem. Wildlife is abundant here, development is not crazy, and everyone generally comes here with good intentions to heal and connect. It makes for a safe and kind healing bubble.
During this time in Mazunte, I learned divination practices—connecting with clairs, opening the akashic records, reading astrology, and doing family constellation work. The practices were intuitive and helped us connect with ourselves, and in doing so, helped us identify inner wounds and dynamics. I was very fortunate to have two amazing teachers that created a safe space for us all to learn and expand our sense of understanding. In between sessions I would ground myself in the ocean, soak myself in water and replenish my energy. We stayed at a beautiful, rustic sanctuary adjacent to Playa Mermejita. In the early mornings I would wake up to birds and the sound of the ocean, and in the evening by dim candlelight I would fall asleep to the waves crashing along the shore. I felt at peace and even found some joy. I felt so much lighter. I was so happy. The most pure happiness I’ve felt in a really long time.
At the time, I was also being tested to ‘let go’ in my physical reality, mirroring my need to ‘let go’ in my internal reality. All sorts of strange events occurred around this time, confronting me with opportunities to literally ‘let go.’ I lost things—ipad at the airport, atm card in Mexico City, my precious notebook at the beach. These experiences were testing my ability to let go by taking away material things that I prized. Can I willingly let go of something and believe that eventually something will return in its place? And indeed all of those items returned to me. I received my ATM card back the next day. My notebook was returned to me a week later. And my ipad at the CDMX airport was returned 2 months later.
The strangest story though was about my notebook. I didn’t know it at the time but I was most attached to this item, and it was returned to me in the most serendipitous way which makes it all the more meaningful. One day I was walking with a friend and I left all of my belongings on a spot on the beach. By the time we walked back it was already dark and we were lost. We finally found my belongings in a different place, everything was there except my notebook. For some reason I was so upset after. Perhaps because it represented my progress, my words, thoughts and ideas. But I told myself to let go and trust that perhaps it was best. One week later we were at the same spot at the end of the beach. We were doing a dark moon ceremony as a group and a girl walks over. She spoke Spanish and asked us what we were doing. I explained and asked if she would like to join. She sat next to me and a few minutes later she noticed the notebook next to me and asked if it was mine. I told her yes and she gave me this look. In that moment I knew…no way. She proceeded to take out her phone and then showed me a photo of the very same notebook I had lost a week ago. She told me she found it on the beach as she was walking by and that she had been holding on to it for a week because she felt like it was important to hold on to. She told me she rarely walks down to the end of this remote beach, and she normally does not walk over to groups but in the moment she felt like something compelled her to walk over and speak to us. I’ll never forget the story of how I reunited with my lost notebook and the wonderful woman named Daniella.
Mexico was where I really began to open up energetically and connect with the unseen magic of the divine. Mexico holds such an important place in my heart and I will always feel that it is a true home for me. In this place it is where I began to be further initiated spiritually. I continue to have vivid dreams every night, waking up to remember every detail. In those dreams, I traveled to different worlds, places, eras, and stories. I’ve lived in an ancient civilization in the desert, hiding from attackers in an underground cave complex filled with ancient secrets. I’ve traveled to the depths of the ocean amongst seaweed trees and sea creatures. I’ve traveled to a fairy tale town with jovial townspeople and ventured off to an enchanted forest to rescue my frozen inner child. I’ve begun to notice these dreams typically will have a common theme or message. Sometimes centered around an existing pattern, belief, or inner conflict I might have, or it might show me a new possibility or idea to consider. What has recently emerged has been waking up every morning with key takeaways. The moments leading up to when I wake, my unconscious has already summarized the key takeaway or lesson for me. I wake up knowing what I must do.
In my waking hours, I’ve started to notice synchronicities. Constantly seeing 711, 911, 1111 almost everyday. In numerology, these are signals or messages from the Universe. In my meditations, chakras are opening up and I am seeing colors emerge in my mind’s eye. I’m also starting to have visions of constellations and stars. I am starting to feel energy move through my body. And I’ve been receiving more and more messages and guidance from archangels and divine spirits, making themselves more known and present in my daily meditations. Cats have been coming to me, like they’re drawn to me. I feel an emotional connection with them and a natural affinity. I’m more able to feel the energy of natural living things, feeling the energy with my hands. Since I’ve begun my spiritual awakening, it feels as if I now have access and connection to an entire unseen world. I look back at my old life and it feels like I’ve emerged from a deep sleep or a thick grey fog, only to see there is an entirely unknown world in full color emerging.