Belonging
I belong just by being present in the world.
Every human being desires to belong. To find where they fit in, to find their tribe, to know how how they can be useful. In a world driven by fear, being alone can be a person’s greatest fear.
People naturally band together out of fear of the unknown and the fear of being alone. This behavior was intuitively born out of a real need to survive when humanity was emerging. With time, tribes formed belief systems, identities and cultures to unify people. Trust and bonds were reinforced by continuity in generational lines. These tribes eventually became territories, empires, and nations. The need for survival turned into a competition for opportunities, resources and land, which spurred the advancement of technology and the transformation of those resources. What remains is the tribal mentality. Now more than ever, people yearn for connection and belonging amidst a culture of social media and comparison. It is a Universal desire to want love, devotion, understanding and support. But can people see past illusion and discern what feels true beyond the need to fill their greatest needs for connection?
In the early part of my life I felt like I belonged nowhere. I adapted to different cultures but deep down I knew I didn’t fit in. I always longed to belong but I would never adopt or conform. So instead I rejected my desire to belong, over simplified my self, and hid parts of who I am to appear ‘conventional.’ I had to realize that I did my self such a disservice, but also at the time I did not truly know who I am. In the process of awakening, a big part of my healing was forgiving myself for all the ways I had violated myself in the past. All the ways I diminished myself, hid myself, denied myself, and rejected my truths and desires. I did not trust myself then because I had made so many decisions that violated my truths in an attempt to conform, seek love and approval. And in doing so I became further detached from my soul. Bridging that gap, the distance, took work to come back to center.
The process of detaching from the soul is quite normal and is how we are all programmed at an early age. Our culture is so fixated on promoting tribe mentality and so fiercely perpetuates the fear of being alone, that people willingly forfeit their individuality in the process. Individuality is not identity, individuality is personal truth. Tribe mentality is tied to collective identity. And in an attempt to belong, people will unconsciously give up their personal truths to conform to the collective identity. Their perceived ‘individuality’ becomes the collective identity. It is how empires have ruled people for thousands of years, and how culture and media control the masses.
It is a shame that people believe that being alone is a bad thing. Being alone is actually a normal state of being. We are all technically alone as souls in unique forms, and we can embrace our “alone-ness” when we stand in our personal truths and live them. But also know that we are never really alone as we are naturally and energetically bonded with all living things. It takes bravery to be willing to stand alone as one truly is. Being alone allows one the space, time and freedom to connect and belong within. It reminds us that we are more nuanced than a label or an identity. It reminds us that our identity is also always in flux so why attempt to conform and limit ourselves to defined boxes? It reminds us that what bonds us goes beyond what we look like, where we come from, what we do for work, what we think, or what our hobbies and interests are…it is our character, our values, our energy that we truly connect with.
There are all sorts of communities out there that promise belonging. But without truly and deeply knowing who you are, you will not know what is truly important to you. And if you do not know what it is you value, you do not know what it is that roots you. Knowing your truth and your values is what allows you to belong within yourself. When you feel that you belong within yourself, you will naturally feel a greater sense of Universal belonging that transcends any community or collective. Universal belonging is a true and higher form of connection in the larger context of the world.
And so, the truest state of “belonging” is simply being present in the world as you truly are. We do not need to change, conform, or hide parts of ourselves. We are good enough just as we are. We already belong in the world simply by being alive.