How to Find a Healthy Spiritual Teacher
I’ve written a little about the challenges of commercialized spirituality in the previous post. This post discusses how to find effective spiritual teachers and discern who is “healthy help”.
As more individuals undergo a genuine awakening or simply gain interest in spirituality, there are increasingly more spiritual/wellness teachers, guides, and coaches available on the market. It is critically important to properly vet a spiritual teacher and exercise personal inutition and discernment around who feels healthy and qualified to help others.
For individuals starting out in their journey, it can be challenging to discern and differentiate who is ‘healthy help.’ Oftentimes much of the spiritual and wellness industry is glossed over by really good marketing. Someone or a business can project the most appealing social media profile, website, persona, image, aesthetic, and all the right language and words…but their teachings and behaviors don’t necessarily reflect True spiritual maturity, wisdom, embodiment, and higher levels of consciousness. There are all sorts of self-proclaimed spiritual gurus, ‘experts’, healers, shamans, coaches etc. out there, and many of them may even come with a large following or platform. But be aware that popularity or fame is not always an accurate measurement of True spiritual mastery and maturity. And not all are created equally. The spiritually inititated exist at various levels of development. And unfortunately, many individuals available on the market are pursuing a business of healing others, when they really haven’t properly gone through their own healing process themselves. Additionally, there is very little education, distinction, verification, and even a commitment to Truth and honesty, when it comes to spiritual services.
When seeking out spiritual help and support, discernment is a muscle that needs to be exercised. And this is tied to the development of personal intuition and sensing. Despite claims, titles, roles, and appearances, can you discern what feels healthy and right for you? In a world of illusions, we will always be faced with the challenge and opportunity to discern what is real and what is not. What feel rights and what does not. Not everything and everyone is what it seems. And it is a part of our development to be able to discern what is True and what is not, beyond surface appearances and illusions. Because the spiritually initated are quite vulnerable and dependent, it is quite important to exercise discernment around who feels healthy and qualified to help others. The teachings and messages that these people share have an impact. They can share great wisdom and inspiration, or can breed more misinformation and co-dependency.
Consider your ability to also read an individual beneath the surface.
Someone who looks and sounds spiritual or ‘well’ does not necessarily mean they are. There are many resources available these days to alter and ‘perfect’ the image of the external. What matters first is the internal, and then displaying a naturally healthy external. What looks ‘good’ may not necessarily be healthy. Anyone can dress the part, use all the relevant language and words, mirror the ‘correct’ behaviors, and read and consume spiritual content. But logically knowing spiritual concepts in the mind is not the same as embodying them energetically. How are their higher values reflected in their everyday behavior, actions, words, and the way they engage and interact with others?
Spiritual maturity matters. Spiritual development is a long-term process that requires a lot of individual time alone, a lot of inner work, a lot of meditation, introspection, learning, and self-mastery. People may be spiritually inclined or have undergone an awakening, but just because an individual went through an awakening or consumes a lot of spiritual books and content does not mean they also did the inner work. Just like any work, there are various levels of quality of work and level of mastery. You want someone who is disciplined and has achieved some level of mastery before they even consider helping others. Helping others should not be about their ego, their career, their business, them making money, or proving anything to anyone. If it is a natural and genuine calling, they will just do it from a place of inner peace, joy, and contentment. Sure those other things can follow, but it will not be the main priority or focus.
When looking at someone’s profile and content, notice where their priorities lie and what the underlying messages are. Does it feel ego-centric? Does it seem vague with a lot of over-promising? Does it seem to tout the same generic spiritual messages? Is it about them getting something, or they want something from you? Do they prioritize followings, fandom, validation? Does money seem to be front and center? Does their persona feel natural and genuine or forced and staged? How do you feel when in their presence?
If truth, trust, honesty, patience and safe boundaries feel like a priority to them, rather than fame, money and external perception, then they are sharing from a genuine place. Notice if they enjoy teaching and sharing — do you sense that it lights them up? Or does it feel like they’re in it for the money or have other motivations and agendas? A person who still makes decisions largely from the ego has not properly developed far enough in their journey to support others. Ultimately, it is important to be aware of what feels right and healthily helpful for you.
Here are some tips and things to consider to help you discern who can be a mature and responsible teacher to you:
A wise and connected person knows that once they are consciously on a higher path, the inner work always continues. They don’t claim to be perfect or know it all or have all the answers. They are not the next self-proclaimed Jesus or Buddha. They have enormous dedication to their personal journey. They have gone through significant and important spiritual milestones, and continue to dedicate the space and time to go through the constant process of learning and evolution to cultivate spiritual maturity.
They do this work because it is a natural calling from their soul.
They act from their soul not their ego. They are uninterested in superficiality and validation which allows them to maintain a clear and unbiased mind. They have a strong sense of self without the need to prove.
They are responsible individuals. In charge of themselves and demonstrate a commitment to self-care before they attend to others.
They meditate regularly (even if they are not a meditation teacher) and practice good energetic hygiene.
They are at peace with themselves and generally are in balance in their lives—personally and professionally.
They appear to be healthy, nourished, calm, and balanced. They are generally without stress, anxiety, worry, rushing, and over-control. They are emotionally well-regulated, mature, nuanced and balanced.
They take the time to see if there is a good fit between you two. And they have a clear idea of what differentiates themselves as a teacher and what they can honestly teach. They are honest with their expertise and status in their own journey. They are intentional, and do not have a spray and pray approach.
They don’t try to rush or push you, get you to commit to things you’re not comfortable with, or try to sell you things and expect you to commit immediately. They do not seem to have concerns about money and scarcity.
They can clearly and knowledgeably communicate the process and phases of healing and development, and have an ability to adapt accordingly to each person’s journey.
They act responsibly. They are able to understand when they need to step away to care for themselves first before helping others. They are able to prioritize health and well-being before money. They are able to set clear boundaries with you and for you to create a safe space. They establish clear rules of communication and engagement. They take responsibility for the safety and energy of the container, and are able to remove any distractions and interferences that many tamper with it.
They are highly intelligent, introspective, and empathetic.
They are deeply intuitive and can tune in to emotions with permission, respect, and boundaries.
They feel solid, steady, reliable, patient, and safe to open up to. You feel seen and understood.
They feel respectful, kind, and patient. They listen and hold space for you.
They don’t seek to fix you, project onto you, or do the work for you. They have the ability to gauge where you are in your process and guide you through the phases appropriately and responsibly.
They they hold space for you to express yourself, and support by offering perspectives, questions and tools to help you take the reins and dig deeper.
True coaches strive to cultivate personal responsibility and independence, not dependence and over-reliance.
It is important to consider and tune into how you feel when making decisions. Does this person feel helpful, responsible, safe, stable and practiced? Does it feel positive, uplifting, empowering? Having good judgement and intuition is critical in guiding you through your personal journey of growth and development. The right guides and teachers can be beneficial in helping individuals navigate an unknown path. I believe, eventually it’s about training people to be self-sufficient so they can be the leaders of their own lives.