How to Find an Effective Spiritual Coach
I’ve written a little about the challenges of commercialized spirituality in the previous post. This post discusses how to find an effective spiritual coach/guide, and how to discern who is “healthy help”.
Spiritual / wellness guides, teachers and coaches are increasingly available to the public. As more individuals undergo an awakening or desire to help with spirituality and wellness, there are numerous people available through social media or the internet. Seeking guidance is a natural desire in the early phases of an awakening, or process in improving one’s health and wellbeing. What I learned through the process is that it is important to exercise discernment around who is healthy and qualified to help others. It is critically important to properly vet a spiritual / wellness guide, teacher or coach. There is a very wide range in quality and levels of spiritual maturity, with very little education around it. Discernment is very important in the process of finding a spiritual / wellness guide or coach because they are going to be responsible for shepherding you through the process. The messages they share have an impact.
For someone starting out in their journey, it can be challenging to discern and differentiate between who is ‘healthy help.’ Oftentimes much of the spiritual and wellness industry and services are glossed over by really good marketing and images. Someone or a business can display the most appealing persona, images, aesthetic, and all the right language and words…but it doesn’t necessarily equate to maturity, wisdom, substance and depth.
There are many people who undergo a spiritual awakening process or aim to live by spiritual concepts and principles. But there is a significant difference in where they are in the process.
1. They may look healthy and beautiful and whole, but learn to read beyond the surface. There are many resources available these days to alter and ‘perfect’ the image of the external. What matters first is the internal, and then displaying a naturally healthy external. So what looks ‘good’ may not necessarily be healthy.
2. Someone who looks and sounds spiritual or ‘well’ does not necessarily mean they are. Again, anyone can dress the part, use all the relevant language and words, mirror the ‘correct’ behaviors, and read and consume spiritual content. Knowing spiritual concepts in the mind is not the same as embodying them energetically.
3. Spiritual maturity matters. Spiritual and wellness development is a long-term process that requires a lot of individual time alone, a lot of inner work, a lot of meditation, introspection, learning, and self-mastery. People may be spiritually inclined or have undergone an awakening, but just because an individual went through an awakening or consumes a lot of spiritual books and retreats does not mean they did the inner work. Just like any work, there are various levels of quality of work. You want someone who is disciplined and has achieved some level of mastery before they even consider helping others. Helping others should not about their ego, their career, them making money, or proving anything…they should do it because it is a part of their soul purpose. Not all spiritual or awakened individuals are called to coach, teach or guide…they may express their spirituality in other ways. So remember, not everyone is cut out to teach, guide or coach, and not everyone is ready to do so. Even if they have a massive following…trust your gut.
When looking at someone’s profile and content, notice where their priorities lie and what the underlying messages are. Does it feel ego-centric? Does it seem vague with a lot of over-promising? Or do they seem to have a reoccurring message or agenda that feels off? Is it about them getting something, or they want something from you? Do they prioritize followings, fandom, validation? Does money seem to be front and center? Does their persona feel natural and genuine or forced? How do you feel when in their realm?
If truth, trust, honesty, patience and boundaries feel like a priority to them, rather than fame, money and external perception, then they are communicating from the soul. Notice if they enjoy teaching and sharing — do you sense that it lights them up? Or does it feel like they’re in it for the money or have other motivations and agendas? A person who still makes decisions largely from the ego has not properly developed far enough in their journey to guide others. Ultimately, it is important to be aware of what feels right and healthily helpful for you.
Here are some tips and things to consider to help you discern who can be a mature and responsible coach and guide for you:
A wise and connected person knows that once they are consciously on a higher path, the inner work always continues. They don’t claim to be perfect or know it all or have all the answers. They are not the next self-proclaimed Jesus or Buddha. They have enormous dedication to their personal journey. They have gone through significant and important spiritual milestones, and continue to dedicate the space and time to go through the constant process of learning, balancing and evolution to gain spiritual maturity.
They do this work because it is a call from their soul’s purpose and development.
They act from their soul not their ego. They are uninterested in superficiality and validation which allows them to maintain a clear and unbiased mind. They have a strong sense of self without the need to prove.
They are in charge of themselves and demonstrate a commitment to self-care before they attend to others.
They must meditate regularly (even if they are not a meditation teacher) and practice good energetic hygiene.
They are at peace with themselves and generally are in balance in their lives—personally and professionally.
They appear to be healthy, nourished, calm, and balanced. They are generally without stress, anxiety, worry, rushing, and over-control. They are emotionally well-regulated, mature, nuanced and balanced.
They take the time to see if there is a good fit between you two. And they have a clear idea of what differentiates themselves as a coach and who their client type is. They are honest with their expertise and status in their own journey. They are intentional, and do not have a spray and pray approach.
They don’t try to rush or push you, get you to commit to things you’re not comfortable with, or try to sell you things and expect you to commit immediately. They do not seem to have concerns about money and scarcity.
They can clearly and knowledgeably communicate the process and phases of healing and development, and have an ability to adapt accordingly to each person’s journey.
They act responsibly. They are able to understand when they need to step away to care for themselves first before helping others. They are able to prioritize health and well-being before money. They are able to set clear boundaries with you and for you to create a safe space. They establish clear rules of communication and engagement. They take responsibility for the safety and energy of the container, and are able to remove any distractions and interferences that many tamper with it.
They are highly intelligent, introspective, and empathetic.
They are deeply intuitive and can tune in to emotions with permission, respect, and boundaries.
They feel solid, steady, reliable, patient, and safe to open up to. You feel seen and understood.
They feel respectful, kind, and patient. They listen and hold space for you.
They don’t seek to fix you, project onto you, or do the work for you. They have the ability to gauge where you are in your process and guide you through the phases appropriately and responsibly.
They they hold space for you to express yourself, and support by offering perspectives, questions and tools to help you take the reins and dig deeper.
True coaches strive to cultivate personal responsibility and independence, not dependence and over-reliance.
It is important to consider and tune into how you feel when making decisions. Does this person feel helpful, responsible, safe, stable and practiced? Does it feel positive, uplifting, empowering? Having good judgement and intuition is critical in guiding you through your personal journey of growth and development. The right guides and coaches can be beneficial in helping people navigate an unknown path. I believe, eventually it’s about training people to be self-sufficient so they can be the leaders of their own lives. Ultimately, trust that you will find the right teacher or guide by following your intuition.