Expanding Sense of Self

Oftentimes in life we are confronted with challenges that totally disrupt our way of thinking and being. As if they put us in a space of unbearable discomfort and anxiety. Forcing us to reckon with our inner mind games justifying why something doesn’t work, or is bad or horrible, not safe, or just straight up wrong. Or, perhaps even convincing us why we should stay the course out of fear of change or being ‘wrong’. I think anytime we feel intense emotions that trigger a flood of mental coping mechanisms, it usually indicates that there’s something deeply important happening here that is critical to your personal growth. Whatever it is for you, I think what is most important to remember is that instead of closing off to it out of discomfort, perhaps try to open to it and be present in the experience so you can learn from it. It’s a really common message in our society to encourage people to avoid uncomfortable things and to shut it down immediately. Either walk or run away, or say no to a challenge. It’s usually paired with a message around not letting the things we deem ‘negative’ into our life…but it’s really a message of protecting the ego from possible pain. If an experience has the power to hurt you, it’s just another sign that there’s a really important lesson here for you to learn about yourself in the mess and discomfort of it all. When you’ve learned the lesson, then such things no longer have the power to hurt you. Even if we run away or avoid it all together, what usually ends up happening is that a similar experience will find its way to us, again and again, until we learn the lesson. The most uncomfortable experiences are actually some of life’s greatest gifts for our ultimate benefit in learning how to be ourselves and live a healthier and more pleasurable life. If you can stay with the discomfort and learn to experiment with patience, perspective, self-reflection, the willingness to be wrong, and having courage in acknowledging, accepting and expressing your true emotions…you will find your way through it. And along the way, realizations will naturally unfold…perhaps not all at once but maybe in spurts. It can be challenging to discern which are ego messages and which are true soulful messages…but trust that time will take you to the truth and the experience will naturally last as long as it needs to be until you learn the lesson(s). Once you do, it will somehow naturally fall away. And you will be ready for a new and different experience to learn from.

There’s no prescribed formula here, it’s just a matter of reconnecting with feeling, embracing your real emotions, trusting your truths, and gaining some larger perspective in life…yes an experience may suck but actually it serves a purpose in helping you realize something really important about yourself. And in these challenging experiences, as an ongoing life process, you expand your sense of true self.

We all have lessons to learn, that’s the beauty of being human.