What We Can Learn by Expressing Anger
Anger!
Here’s a fun exercise. The next time you get angry or annoyed by something (stupid or significant), allow yourself to actually feel the full depth of the emotion for as long as you need. Vocally and physically express it. Maybe go on a rant about all the things that annoy you and actually get mad about those things. Say why they bother you and see where it goes. No matter how stupid or comical or pointless it may seem, allowing yourself to voice annoyances and all the things that upset you can trigger the release of pent-up anger inside. And sometimes it can lead to major epiphanies. Like the anger is trying to take you somewhere, or help you see something bigger, or realize something that has remained dormant. If you’re like me and did not grow up in a household that permitted “temper tantrums”, actually give yourself permission now to channel the child from whatever era you’re from and have a full-blown temper tantrum alone. Feel free to punch a pillow. Scream at the top of your lungs. Kick a garbage can. Break dishware. In the privacy of your own home of course. Just don’t set the house on fire.
This is a simple exercise you can do to give yourself permission to feel and express anger. Which is a completely valid, normal emotion within our emotional toolkit. All emotions need to be expressed and released to learn how to cultivate healthy emotional regulation. In society it is not permissible to express our anger unless you give zero f*cks. So we repress it. But it usually has a way of leaking out through other expressions like passive aggressiveness, complaining, feeling annoyed or resentful. These are generally more socially acceptable ways of expressing forms of anger without actually expressing it. But sometimes the build up is just too much and can result in a bomb with one little trigger. Ultimately, it is better to just allow oneself to express anger when it needs to be expressed.
Anger is such an incredible emotion and teacher if you let it out and express it. Once you sort through some of the nonsense of a rant you’ll discover that there’s usually a much larger reason behind it all. The annoyances are just the triggers. Just like fear or sadness it can reveal so much about the ways we hold ourselves back, or the unconscious ways we violate or deny ourselves. It can even reveal hidden sides of ourself and the deeper needs and desires that have gone unmet. There’s a lot of truth revealed in the throes of an anger fit if its allow to unfold. Emotions reveal honest truths. Feeling and giving voice to emotions is the only way to process and learn from them. We are not our emotions. And emotions are not permanent. They are fleeting and will pass once we express and release them.
Anger can be such a clarifying and motivating emotion if we tap into it and allow it to teach us what we’re really responding to. Dare to dance with anger when it arises and see where it takes you.