What We Can Learn by Expressing Anger

Anger!
Here’s a fun exercise. The next time you get angry or annoyed by something (stupid or significant), allow yourself to actually feel the full depth of the emotion for as long as you need. Vocally and physically express it. Maybe go on a rant about all the things that annoy you and actually get mad about those things. Say why they bother you and see where it goes. Just go with it. No matter how stupid or comical or pointless it may seem, allowing yourself to voice annoyances and all the things that upset you can actually be a way to trigger the release of pent-up anger inside. And sometimes it can lead to major epiphanies. If you’re like me and did not grow up in a household that permitted “temper tantrums”, actually give yourself permission now to channel the child from whatever era you’re from and have a full-blown temper tantrum alone. Feel free to punch a pillow. Scream at the top of your lungs. Kick a garbage can. Break dishware. In the privacy of your own home of course. Just don’t set the house on fire.

This is a simple exercise you can do to give yourself permission to feel and express anger. Which is a completely valid, normal emotion within our emotional toolkit. All need to be expressed and release to maintain healthy emotional regulation. In society it is not permissible to express our anger unless you give zero f*cks. So we repress it. But it usually has a way of leaking out through other expressions like passive aggressiveness, complaining, feeling annoyed or resentful. It’s a more socially ‘acceptable’ way of expressing your anger but in controlled ways — like slowly leaking air out when all you want to do is just puncture it to release. But sometimes the build up is just too much and can result in a bomb with one little trigger.

Anger is such an incredible emotion and teacher if you let it out and express it. Once you sort through some of the nonsense of a rant you’ll discover that there’s usually a much larger reason behind it all. The annoyances are just the triggers. Just like fear or sadness it can reveal so much about the ways you hold yourself back, or how your beliefs are restricting your behaviors in life. It can even reveal hidden sides of yourself and deeper desires that you actually feel. There’s a lot of truth revealed in the throes of an anger fit if you allow it to unfold. Because you’re allowing your emotions out. And your emotions reveal honest truths. Giving voice to emotions and feeling them is the healthy way of processing emotions. So instead of controlling, let them out and express them. Know that you are not your emotions. And emotions are not permanent. They are fleeting and will pass once you express and release them.

All of this is part of the art of mastering yourself and learning emotional regulation. This is not about mastering yourself so you can become a robot and be ‘above’ emotions. This is about honoring your emotions as a human being and learning how to feel, express, accept and release them instead of holding and repressing. Anger can be such a clarifying and motivating emotion if you can tap into it and allow it to teach you what you’re really responding to.

Dare to dance with anger when it arises and see where it takes you.