What We Learn From Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. How are they a reflection of who we are and where we are? What are they showing us? How can we learn from them?

The relationships we have in our lives are energetic connections. They are agreements, and in a way contracts that we create when we continue to put energy and time into those relationships.

Relationships are investments in ourselves and in each other.

For most of our lives, relationships are karmic and serve as tools for self-examination and evolution. They serve as mirrors to help us see unexamined or unrealized aspects of ourselves. They can challenge us, and they can help us grow personally.

The relationships we attract over different cycles of our lives are constantly changing. Just like life, not all relationships are meant to stay the same. And not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes we can find a few special people that will help us in our journey.

People come into our lives for different reasons and at different times. They reflect who we are and where we are in our cycle of life. There is so much to learn from the relationships we have with other people, or even the people we meet.

Mirrors

The people we attract reflect the energy we give off. As in the law of attraction, like attracts like. This is why people serve as mirrors for each other. We are attracting ‘like’ energy to show each other a part of ourselves that needs to be seen. We might also attract people who share similar karma, traumas or lessons. People can exhibit or trigger repressed parts of ourselves or aspects that need to be developed within. Perhaps the qualities we might find bothersome in another person reflects a shadow we have inside. Or perhaps the qualities we find admirable or desirable in another are really qualities we’re meant to cultivate within. Oftentimes our romantic or closest relationships are the most karmic. And perhaps they can also be the most challenging as well. These are the connections in which we share similar karmic lessons we can learn through each other. Sometimes we get paired up with another to help each other in the process, or sometimes to trigger us and force us to change. It can be for a short or long leg of the journey depending on what is necessary.

Helpful People

Sometimes life can send us people out of nowhere. These are the people we meet randomly in our daily lives or in our travels. They come into our lives for a brief moment but yet it can feel like we’re drawn to the person for some unknown reason. They could be strangers that want to help you for no reason other than they feel they need to. These are what I call divine pairings or interventions. In the moment, the Universe will send you help or guidance in the form of another person. In my travels there were times I was sent helpful people. When I got into my motorbike accident, the Universe immediately sent me 2 helpful people and a kitten. When I was recovering from my accident in Mexico, the Universe sent me help from many strangers willing to offer support and help with deliveries. And when I was on the road, I met many people open to sharing ideas and conversations that helped plant seeds or encourage me in my journey ahead.

Soul Connections

Soul connections are the deepest bonds between two souls. It can feel like you already know each other. As if you can see the soul beyond the person. You see them for who they really are. And it may feel incredibly familiar and comfortable, as if you’ve known each other in lifetimes past. There’s an unspoken understanding between you two. Sometimes they’re with us for a brief moment or sometimes they’re with us for a leg of a journey. They encourage us when we need it, can help us believe in ourselves, can call us out on our B.S., can share the deepest / realist conversations, and desire to be a partner in life. You’re able to be your imperfect self with them and still share admiration and respect. They seem to see and love you as you are, even when you don’t. A soul connection is not built on unmet needs—needing something from the other person. A soul connection is a choice—not out of circumstance or need—but the choice to support each other, show up for each other, and believe in and invest in each other. Two souls that see and accept each other without condition or illusions. Soul connections ask us to bring our full consciousness and presence to the relationship. They are intentional, and cultivated by choices to play together and invest in each other because it feels mutually beneficial. It may be soul aligned, but it also requires both parties to be willing to invest the energy and time to cultivate themselves and nurture the relationship to ensure it grows and thrives. Soul connections can manifest one of the highest expressions of joy—they can help us fly together while achieving our greatest dreams.

Self

The relationships we maintain with people are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. The most important relationship we can ever have in our life is the one we have with #1. Cultivating a healthy, strong, loving, patient and kind relationship with your self that consistently respects your intuition, your voice, your needs, your boundaries, your self-nurturing and self-care is absolutely foundational. When we operate from a healthy place of inner strength and self-generated power, we thrive. And when we thrive, we can attract relationships that help each other thrive together.

We may not always be able to control who we meet, but we can control what we value and be open to the experiences as they come in order to learn and grow. The measure of how much energy and time we put into a connection is a reflection of what we value. Like everything in our life, it’s important to build a life off a foundation of personal values and truths. So in your relationships, ask yourself, what do I value?

Instead of writing a list of qualities, attributes or features that you desire in a person or a relationship, start with defining what it is that you personally value. What are the non-negotiables in how you live your life? For example, let’s say I value freedom, peace, and health/well-being. So in my connections, I am drawn to people who value personal freedom: they demonstrate self agency and responsibility, they know themselves and what they need, and they are open-minded and flexible. I am drawn to people who value peace: they are present, conscious, patient, respectful, and considered. They demonstrate balance in their lives, live in harmony with nature and the environment, and are emotionally in-tune and well-regulated. And I am drawn to people who value health and well-being: they take care of themselves—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. They make healthy choices and demonstrate balance and harmony. They have healthy boundaries and communication.

Because ‘like’ energy attracts ‘like’ energy. If you embody your personal values, you will likely attract someone who shares similar values. And that is a much truer and more sustainable way of building a relationship.